Thoughts on being a parent

Children do not owe their parents. It is the parents who owe their children.

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This thought has been with me all week. I read an interview last week with a woman who had made the decision to not have children. She had many reasons, but it came down to this thought, along with the knowledge that she would not be able to provide for her child in a way that would meet these very high standards.

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I know that for myself, waiting to have Wendall when we did was what I needed in order to have any chance at being even a mediocre parent. I was far too selfish, and needed too much for my own care to be burdened with caring for anyone else. Even though I married at 22, my husband and I lived very independent lives, and I never needed to put myself on hold for his care. It was not until Wendall came along that I knew I was ready to put someone else first.

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I was 29 when I became a parent. Until the moment I met my child, I had no idea what true fear could be. I did not understand pain, and I had no concept of poverty. I had experienced all three to varying degrees at one point or another in my lifetime, but had no way to truly compare my life to any other experience. When Wendall was born, I suddenly understood that the world was truly vast, and that it was not my playground. I was able to see the dangers that existed alongside my simple, safe life. The atrocities that have occurred around the world since then have only confirmed my feelings

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So now here I am, a mother first. My only desire, my only purpose, is to bring my young man through the world in a safe and loving environment. I see children around me who are not as fortunate in this way as my child, and I weep, not just for them, but for their parents, who somehow do not see what I see. I can not imagine putting my wants before Wendall's needs. The idea of acting in a manner that could be harmful to him is beyond contemplation. I simply can not imagine ever giving myself permission to leave him alone in a car, or to not buckle him in securely, or to allow him to play outside without adult supervision. Nothing that is happening in my life is so important that I could forget that he IS my life. Children of parents who don't understand this are, in my opinion, missing a huge part of what allows them to remain children. I am wise so that my child can remain innocent. I give myself so that my child can have all.

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It all comes down to choice, does it not?