In a recent interview, Felicity Huffman was asked (by Leslie Stahl) about motherhood. She gave an answer which has stayed with me.

(Felicity)Huffman has two little girls, but gives a surprising answer when asked if motherhood is the best experience in her life.

"No, no, and I resent that question," Huffman says. "Because I think it puts women in an untenable position, because unless I say to you, 'Oh, Lesley, it's the best thing I've ever done with my whole life,' I'm considered a bad mother..."

Last night, while sitting in a meeting with a bunch of military wives, the conversation turned to the careers of military dependents. More specifically, the lack of careers. One woman, who is a teacher, explained that her husband is leaving the military in part because she has very few options when it comes to work. She can only work at the school on base here, but has no seniority, and so is in constant danger of being replaced. In the States she would have more schools, but still no seniority, and would never have the chance to build one.

Other women joined the conversation, all saying that they had lost opportunities because of the military. A (pregnant) friend who was there with me expressed her frustration at the ever changing life, and her inability to work. She was told "We have all had to give up a career of some sort." I then exclaimed "But she is an attorney!", to which the amazing response was "But now she will be a mother!"

I stayed quiet for the remainder of the evening. My main problem with the military is my place in it. I am listed as a dependent and as a mother, and not much else. I am marinalised because I am female, because I am not a soldier myself, and because I have a child.

I am in full agreement with Ms. Huffman. I resent being questioned about the joy that motherhood has brought me. I should not be defined by my decision to have a child. Wendall is never asked if having a child is the best thing that has ever happened to him, especially by people in the military, but I should be overjoyed by the work I put into my family. Grrrrr.

Being a wife and a mother are parts of my being, but only parts. They do not come close to describing me. I resent the fact that to the military, and to the world at large, they are the parts that matter most.