Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

Phantom faces at the window
Phantom shadows on the floor
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.
-Les Miserables

This has been a difficult week, with the death of one friend in the middle of the anniversary of the deaths of two other friends. My family has had a difficult year, filled with the losses of these wonderful men. I want now to say that the loss has been tempered with love, and with the addition of new members to our extensive family, but really I can't. Honestly, the losses are just losses, and the additions are joyous, but do nothing to mend our hurting hearts.

All week long, I have tried to listen for the voices of these men as they speak to my soul. I have had bits of songs and images in my mind, and I have done my best to allow these moments to come through me simply, without pain, and without sorrow. The contributions that these men made in my life were great, and I celebrate the me they helped create.

Thank you JC, for being the Quixote to my father's Quixana. Thank you for being there at the moment that my world began. Thank you for my parents.

Thank you Jon, for being the quiet reflection of my parents shimmering and ever changing path. Thank you for loving two silly girls as they learned to stretch and grow. Thank you being our family.

These men brought me joy, and more importantly, they were a part of my family. True friendships never do end, as the memories of those we've lost are imprinted on our hearts. I ask you to honor those around you every chance you get. Tell them again and again and again how much they mean to you, and what impact they have had on your life.

Tonight I sat at a table in my favorite restaurant, eating and talking and enjoying an evening with friends. I truly enjoyed myself, but the song continued to play in my head.

The table of my life is large, and the friends who have gathered around it have been a diverse, beautiful group. The empty chairs at the table are reminders that I am loved, and that I have loved. They are also a reminder for me to look again at the faces that remain, and to draw them close, and tell them how much I treasure their presence in my life.